Cultivating Allies: Ensuring Success in Men as Allies Programs

Hira Ali outlines the key elements that make male allyship initiatives successful

Over the years since the launch of my book, “Her Allies,” I have actively supported various male allyship initiatives in both private and public sector organisations. I have conducted workshops, coaching sessions, and keynotes to enhance engagement with male allies.

In these endeavours, particularly in the various panel discussions I have recently participated in, there has been a growing interest in understanding the key elements that make male allyship initiatives successful. My goal is to illuminate why some of these initiatives often face challenges and to provide insights into how organisations can secure effective advocacy from male allies.

Encouraging open and candid conversations among men is crucial. Before launching any such initiative, it’s essential to allow men to express their perspectives freely, striking a balance between understanding their reservations and professionally challenging resistant attitudes.

Careful Planning and Preparation

 Imposing initiatives without proper planning is a prevalent pitfall. One example is Alex, the head of Organisational Development in a large public-sector organisation, whom I supported in launching a male allyship initiative. Despite being well-intentioned and a great ally, Alex, in his eagerness to address complaints of systemic bias by female colleagues, overlooked the importance of conducting feedback sessions and establishing clear expectations. The oversight led to a lack of genuine commitment from recruited male allies, a common mistake in such initiatives.

Encouraging open and candid conversations among men is crucial. Before launching any such initiative, it’s essential to allow men to express their perspectives freely, striking a balance between understanding their reservations and professionally challenging resistant attitudes. These listening sessions can help them reconsider their stance, preventing the risk of securing tacit agreement—mere lip service—without a genuine understanding of barriers to equality.

When Alex eventually organised focus groups to facilitate open dialogue, he received insightful feedback that helped customise the plan. Recognising the importance of creating a ‘safe space’ among men, Alex observed that such environments encouraged men to share their perspectives without fear of blame or accusation. Without these safe spaces, anxieties can hinder men from actively participating in gender equality discussions and collaborating with women. This time, Alex noticed a visible difference; the engagement was much higher, and the male allyship network yielded better outcomes than anticipated.

In cases where significant organisational changes are met with resistance, it may be necessary to adjust the strategy or pace of implementation. Flexibility and adaptability are crucial to meeting individuals at their current level of readiness for change.

Respectfully utilising repetition and reinforcement can help keep the initiative on track, especially during emotionally charged moments. Restating the purpose and goals of the initiative ensures that participants remain aligned with the intended objectives.

Continuous and accessible discussions, complemented by engaging tools such as surveys, presentation polls, and focus groups, contribute to maintaining interest and involvement.

Introducing Influential Role Models

Garnering support from role models and senior managers is crucial, as it transforms allyship into a collective responsibility rather than the duty of a select few. It is vital to foster an inclusive environment where men feel supported in their advocacy for women. The saying, “the proof is in the pudding,” holds here. Influential managers who are active and proud male allies play a critical role in shaping this perception. Sharing examples of how leading companies and “courageous male role models” (as referred to by Volvo) are actively addressing gender equality can serve as powerful motivation.

Colleagues Nominating Men as Allies

Another significant challenge is the need for more active male allies in the space. ‘How do I get more male allies on board?’ is a common question I have been asked.

A proactive strategy involves asking women to nominate allies and thereby encouraging more men to join the cause. For years, I have advocated for this approach to enhance male engagement in allyship programs.

When the allyship program predominantly attracted only women participants, an organisation in the media industry I worked with took decisive action. They urged each female participant attending my talk to bring a male colleague. This initiative resulted in men leaving the session with an increased awareness of the challenges faced by their female counterparts, and I was told the discussions continued long after.

Similarly, during a women’s leadership program conducted for a large insurance company in the US amid COVID-19, my co-facilitator and I proposed opening the program to men. Despite initial hesitation due to concerns about the unique challenges posed by remote work, the decision proved advantageous. Welcoming men into the program yielded a two-fold benefit – not only were several sessions equally practical for men, particularly men of colour facing similar internal and external barriers, but it also increased their awareness of how leadership styles may manifest differently between genders.

An emerging perspective suggests that sending a man to an allyship program is equally valuable for each woman enrolled in a women’s leadership program. The harsh reality is that many women encounter impeded career progress not due to internal limitations but rather external barriers and biases within the system—often perpetuated by custodians of those systems. Allyship programs seek to mitigate those biases.

Encouraging Leaders to be Vulnerable

A study has highlighted how men, despite their good intentions, harbour concerns about facing intense scrutiny, fearing that women may perceive them as part of the problem rather than the solution. The report also shed light on corporate partners sharing similar apprehensions, encompassing the natural fear of judgment, backlash, and disapproval from male peers—an apprehension commonly referred to as the ‘wimp penalty.’ Men often experience stigmatisation by associating with women’s initiatives at work; feeling inhibited not so much by women’s judgments but by the potential disapproval from their male counterparts.

Taking action against gender bias entails the risk of losing acceptance from male peers and poses a threat to their perceived ‘manhood.’ Research indicates that men who deviate from traditional gender norms may face harsher social penalties, including rejection and loss of status, compared to women. Unsurprisingly, men approach gender-related initiatives cautiously, considering these potential consequences. This cautiousness parallels the longstanding societal judgment we as women have faced when trying to break away from entrenched gender norms.

Another observation is the slower evolution of men’s perceptions of masculinity compared to the progress made in women’s rights and empowerment. The traditional blueprint of masculinity from decades ago still exerts influence despite significant changes in the world.

To address these concerns, it is crucial to champion a culture where mistakes are not excessively penalised. While psychological safety is essential, this doesn’t imply tolerating any form of bias or phobia. Balancing the freedom to express oneself with an awareness of the potential hurtful impact on others is crucial. Encouraging a growth mindset can foster a commitment to learning and growth instead of avoiding involvement altogether. We all have our moments of fallibility, and it’s not uncommon to make a faux pas occasionally. What truly matters is the lessons we draw from those mistakes and the actions we take afterwards. Senior leaders can play a pivotal role by being comfortable with vulnerability, openly sharing their lessons, and creating an environment of transparency. When leaders acknowledge their shortcomings and actively learn from mistakes, they earn respect and contribute to building a culture that values continuous improvement and openness.

Appointing Reverse Mentors 

 Some men may not fully grasp the importance of male allyship or exhibit apathy. To address this, introducing the concept of cross-gender female mentors to help individuals gain insight and empathy can be instrumental. Respected female colleagues, acting as sponsors, play a crucial role in educating men about gender bias, offering support, and challenging them to think critically about gender relations in the workplace.

For nearly a decade, The Volvo Group has been actively engaging men in advancing women through its Walk the Talk program, which was implemented in 1998. The program aims to promote awareness and understanding of gender and leadership issues, emphasising their impact on Volvo’s business development, managers, and the organisation as a whole. A noteworthy practice within this initiative is the introduction of reverse mentors. Each male participant selects a female mentor trained on leadership and gender issues, allowing them to follow their mentees’ progress throughout the program. Research indicates that men with female mentors are more aware of gender bias than those with only male mentors. Encouraging companies to incorporate reverse or cross-gender mentoring can be a beneficial strategy.

An impactful example of awareness-building comes from the ‘Not in my Force’ campaign run by Gavin Stephens QPM and his team at Surrey Police, which they shared with me during the 16 Days of Activism campaign against Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG). The campaign featured testimonies from female colleagues who had experienced sexism and misogyny in the workplace. These testimonies were handed to trusted male colleagues to read in silence while their reactions were filmed. The genuine responses of anger, frustration, disbelief, and empathy were powerful, resulting in the call to action: ‘Not in my force!’ This initiative urged male colleagues to challenge sexist comments and stand by female colleagues as allies.

Although the video has not been publicly shared, it has had a significant impact within the Surrey Police Force and beyond, watched nearly 11.5k times by officers and national partners. This campaign serves as an exemplary model for creating awareness and challenging misogynistic behaviours and sexist comments. Initiatives like these are crucial for making a difference and creating awareness by offering insights into the experiences of female colleagues who may feel uncomfortable sharing their perspectives regularly. By providing a platform for authentic and unfiltered accounts of women’s experiences, these initiatives contribute to increased awareness and vigilance.

In our male allyship initiative, “Male Allies: Partnering for Inclusion”, we strategically pair male participants with female sponsors, leveraging reverse mentoring. This fosters unique mentor-mentee relationships, offering men firsthand insights into their female colleagues’ challenges and encouraging a more critical examination of gender relations within the organisational context. Female mentors play a vital role in educating their male counterparts about gender bias, fostering a dynamic knowledge exchange. This structured approach aims to create a reciprocal and inclusive learning culture, strengthening allyship bonds and promoting diversity and inclusion in the workplace.

Finding Your Personal “Why”:

While engaging in allyship for moral, social, and ethical reasons is commendable, it’s crucial to identify personal “why” for committing to this journey. This self-awareness strengthens convictions and bolsters resolve, particularly when advocating for allyship to others or facing adversity and rejection.

Committing to allyship without clearly understanding goals and the necessary resources can make the journey challenging. I encourage all allies to take time for introspection, reflecting on why these initiatives are personally essential. This reflection helps solidify their purpose and enhances their chances of achieving meaningful outcomes.

Research, such as the Catalyst Research study, indicates that men are more vested in allyship when they consider it a social responsibility, contributing to improving the communities in which they operate. Those who display a strong sense of fairness are significantly more likely to become advocates for gender equity. Additionally, Professor Chuck Shelton recognises the concept of Sustainable Collaborative Advantage, where being known as someone who collaborates well with women becomes an asset, leading women to choose to work with them. According to Professor Shelton, a second advantage is how your reputation becomes an advantage over other men who choose not to collaborate well.

Gender equality brings about personal benefits, including enhanced psychological and physical health, more rewarding relationships with women, the freedom to share financial responsibilities with a female spouse or partner, increased involvement with children, and liberation from restrictive masculine gender norms.

A Senior Manager at a pharmaceutical company in the US, a father of two teenage twin girls, reached out to me some time ago after enthusiastically completing my book in just two days. Motivated by a personal commitment, he requested a workshop on allyship. He expressed a deep desire to make a positive difference and create a better world for his daughters as they enter the workforce.

Another ally shared his frustration upon hearing about the challenges they faced from female friends. Driven by a genuine desire to address these obstacles, he expressed his intention to step up and actively participate in alleviating the barriers that hindered his female coworkers. These two instances highlight individuals’ diverse and personal motivations for engaging in allyship and championing a more inclusive and supportive workplace culture.

Focusing on your purpose and self-interest increases your sense of ownership and strengthens your conviction when facing challenges.

Offering Support:

It’s crucial to acknowledge that allies, too, require allies. Navigating the allyship journey alone can be overwhelming, and having individuals who stand by your side and provide support is essential. Establishing support groups and safe spaces for allies can make a significant difference, fostering a sense of community and shared purpose.

Additionally, involving senior leaders is a necessary step. Leveraging strong connections and visible supporters in higher ranks can significantly bolster the credibility and impact of the allyship initiative. Allies with robust ties to executives are better positioned to secure essential resources and funding, enhancing the initiative’s ability to be taken seriously and giving it the momentum needed.

Another area for improvement is that many support interventions tend to be one-off solutions rather than part of a sustained, long-term plan. Instead of providing continuous coaching support and comprehensive training modules, which would offer allies a nuanced understanding of intercultural communication and intersectionality, most initiatives are short-lived.

Finally, introducing accountability and a clear link between key performance indicators and the initiative makes taking such an initiative less challenging. Without a robust system to measure and evaluate progress, it becomes difficult to ensure that the goals and objectives of the initiative are being effectively met. Chuck emphasises that trust is built when promises are kept over time, highlighting that male allies are accountable to women for behaving in ways women find helpful. Chuck adds, “Yes, it’s a reciprocal relationship. But the directionality of the support must clearly flow in her direction. So it’s a two-way street with three lanes, and two of the lanes flow in the woman’s direction.”

Hira Ali is an executive coach, leadership development specialist, and speaker. Founder of Advancing Your Potential and champion of allyship programs and inclusive talent management initiatives, she is also the award-winning author of two books: Her Way To The Top: A Guide to Smashing the Glass Ceiling and Her Allies: A Practical Toolkit to Help Men Lead Through Advocacy.